Tristan Prettyman Maris/Passion for Music, Food, Nature/Cardiff-By-The-Sea, CA/34
Insta: @tristanprettyman, @thegoodpathsd
Website: tristanprettyman.com / thegoodpathsd.com
Name & Ages of Children
Kylo - 20 mos
What is your definition of Crushable Mama
A woman who has embraced her new identity after childbirth with open arms. A woman who doesn’t try to hide the struggles, but tries her best to go with the flow. I love when I meet mama’s who are sexy and fierce, but also fun and silly. I basically have a crush on you, Amber ;)
Most rewarding thing about motherhood
Feeling this much love 24/7.
Most challenging thing about motherhood
When your child reflects back to you patterns or habits in yourself that you are least proud of! That’ll get your attention! Ha.
Where has motherhood pushed you to grow the most
Equal parts being present, patient, and listening.
Top 3 best tips for new mamas:
1.) Go easy on yourself: The beginning is such an adjustment and you’re not supposed to have it all figured out. But you will, in your own time, and in your own perfect way.
2.) Don’t lose your sense of humor: Sometimes you just gotta laugh when every single goes wrong, you get thrown up on, peed on, no sleep. Seriously, the best thing you can do is laugh, and grab a glass of wine, if that helps!
3.) Don’t forget about your better half: It’s easy for our partners to take the back seat in the beginning. It’s all about mama, mama, mama. Our mama instincts kick in and sometimes it can feel like you are doing it all, because most likely you are! But it's not necessary. Your partner is there to help, and you just have to ask. Also important to give your hubby some love. Sometimes being touched by your partner is the last thing you want after breastfeeding non-stop all day, but it’s important to remember your partner is right there in this transition with you. Men need some love and re-assurance that you aren’t going to bail him for the baby :)
Parenting Philosophy Approach
I’m pretty chill. I’m always trying to get down on Kylo’s level and see things from his point of view. I like to be nearby, but i am def not attached. If he falls I don’t make a huge fuss. If he wants to eat a blueberry off the kitchen floor, that’s cool. If he wants to attempt to go up and down the stairs, I like to kind of see what he is going to do, I step back (but not too far back!) rather than be all up in his business. I love giving him free time to just play by himself. He will sit for like 45-1hr. in his play area singing, dancing, and talking to himself. If he needs help, he asks for it. It’s the sweetest thing ever. I work from home, so I’m always around, but I love letting him take the lead and encourage him to be curious and explore. I have a rough daily routine we follow, but I leave room to be spontaneous and flexible.
Biggest surprise about motherhood
How much I love it. I cannot think of any greater purpose than being a mother. I feel like I was born for it. I loved being pregnant, I loved giving birth, and I have really enjoyed getting to know myself as a mother. My mom had my brother and I when she was 19 & 26, so I always imagined I would be a young mom like her. Having kids in my 30’s was definitely later than I would have liked, but the universe never screws up. I see now that my 20’s were for touring, seeing the world, fulfilling my purpose as a singer-songwriter, and sharing my music. In my 30’s, I met my husband, I got married, I had my first child. I finally experienced a healthy, healing and loving relationship. Now I am transitioning into health coaching and helping people heal through whole foods, plants and herbs.
Since Kylo was born, I’ve been all about getting back to basics: Slow down, simplify and savor.
Approach to food
We are 99% plant based vegan in our house. I eat wild caught Alaskan salmon from time to time, and Kylo has had a little bit here and there, as well as some goat milk kefir when he was a babe. But now we are pretty much all plant based/vegan. Of course, if I am out and I get some cheese on something or butter in something, it’s all good, but we cook 99% of the food we eat. I was plant based my entire pregnancy, and breast fed for about 10 months. (He just stopped one day, I think it was all the good food he was eating!)
When Kylo was 4 months we started introducing solids, little tastes here and there and by 6 months he was pretty much eating purees of everything. I made all his food as a baby, and make all his food today. (A pressure cooker is pretty much the most amazing appliance you could ever own for making baby food - I would steam tons of veggies, puree in the blender, freeze in ice cube trays and store in freezer. I always had food on hand for months at a time. It made it so easy!) Now Kylo eats the rainbow. He always requests fruit and veggies. I don’t really give him any snacks or processed foods, and try not to give him anything out of boxes or bags. For snacks he has fresh fruit or veggies, or a super food smoothie. I absolutely believe that our palate starts in the womb.
The more variety you eat while you are pregnant, that better chance of setting your kiddos up for success when it comes to food in the future. I know a handful of moms that have done this and they have all had the same experience. It’s hard to imagine it’s just a coincidence, or “You just got lucky”.
Approach to discipline
No spankings! Ha! I can still remember the hair brush my mom used on my behind when I was a kid! My how times have changed. Kylo is still so young, so I think most of his frustration or acting out comes from not being able to communicate. If he loses his temper out of frustration (which is one of those traits I know he gets from me!) we get down on his level, explain to him why it’s not an appropriate behavior and we love him up.
If we see an unwanted behavior starting to develop, I look at myself first to see if that is somehow a reflection of my own behavior. In most cases, it usually is coming from a parent or care-taker. I see where I can work on that behavior and then again try to correct and explain why its not appropriate. I already know my husband is going to be the more disciplinary one as Kylo gets older! There’s not much I get mad about, but when I do, it escalates quickly. So unless he ruins a guitar, then I think we are good!
4 tips for finding balance in motherhood
1.) Humor - Gotta have a sense of humor, don’t lose it!
2.) Sleep - I know every has their reason for doing their thing when it comes to sleeping, but I really feel like sleep training was the best decision we ever made. When Kylo outgrew the bassinet next to our bed (3-4 months), we sleep trained him. It took 3 nights and that was it. When you don’t get good sleep, you're grumpy. When everyone is sleeping poorly, everyone is grumpy. That is no way to live, and it doesn’t have to be that way.
3.) Self care/alone time - I’m a very independent person, so I really value my alone time. Whether that’s waking up early before my husband and Kylo are up, going for a walk by myself, going to the beach to read for an hour, or signing up for an educational course. It’s so important to take time for yourself. For some that’s taking a shower or going to the grocery store alone! For others it’s taking a long bath, getting your nails done or getting a massage. It’s so important to treat yourself, and take some time to do something that makes you happy, and fills you up. Motherhood is no joke!
4.) Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It really does take a village!
Top 4 lessons to instill in my child
I heard something recently which was that parents spend so much time shielding their kids from experiencing pain, but pain is part of life. And while it's uncomfortable, it’s inevitable, and it’s necessary. When you experience pain, loss, or heartache, you’re actually gifted the opportunity to transform it into something positive. Pain is a chance to learn, to grow, to be grateful, to come out better on the other side for it. So I hope that I can teach Kylo that while pain is part of life, suffering is optional.
Empathy, kindness and compassion for others are also right up there.
What are you letting go of
Trying to be in control everything! Things flow so much better when I just go with the flow and listen to my intuition and where my heart tells me I need to be. When I try to control everything, I am resisting the natural order of the universe, and that is just plain stressful.
What are you calling in
An open, clear connection to my inner guiding voice. Cell service was spotty there for a minute, I need to get back to 4 bars, baby!