By Amber L'Estrange, Art by Ban.Do
I can't help but feel there is something in-between us now...
Having a baby is a real and raw adventure to go on with someone with. There is no more hiding behind an alluring, unattainable demeanor. One has to be available, present and selfless to step up and be the best parent they can be. This can be a confronting process for both parents AND a powerful opportunity to stretch yourself into being a bigger human. Bigger in love, bigger in service, bigger in acceptance, bigger in imagination, bigger in problem solving, just BIGGER.
Through birth and in motherhood I believe a woman is fully seen in all her beauty and venerability. You are exposed in your lightest and darkest times. Seen as you blossom into a warrior and held as you fall into a million pieces.
In the moment your miracle is born, everything changes forever more. You will not be the same so how can you expect your relationship to be as it was? You are discovering who you are as a mother, your partner as a father and who are all are together, as a family. You both have to discover a new way to be with each other to support this monumental shift in your lives.
Parenting is no joke. Life is no longer about doing what you want when you want with who you want. It's actually no longer about you. It's about your family.
My man and I laughed the other day when we realized that all the scary cliches about how a baby changes a marriage are true! Wifey turns into a nag, no one is having any sex, everyone is sleep deprived and overwhelmed, your social life goes down the tubes and everything falls apart. I hope you are reading this with some humor because it is pretty funny if you look at if as a bad rom-com. And it's easy to see the humor in it when you realize it doesn't have to be this way.
I am here to tell you that YES, it's a tough gig BUT, there are ways to approach this wonderful and terrifying rollercoaster where you set yourself up to win and maintain a vibrant, luscious and fun relationship to enjoy the ride with. Here are some golden rules that worked for us. They may not be what you need but hopefully they inspire you to create your own program that keeps things sexy.
Above all, be kind to yourself and one another. The journey of parenthood is a long one and not always easy.
As long as we are all trying our best with the tools we have, and are prepared to grow together, we are doing alright ;)
What has been some things that have helped YOU keep it spicy post-baba?? PLEASE share your wisdom with all in the comments below!