By Amber L'Estrange and Jenna Pennrose, Art by Alessio Franceschetto
When our relationship dramas mirror our deepest traumas, it is time to rise up, face our fears, and heal ourselves.
Our significant others are often the ones who experience the darkest shadows hiding within our psychology.
In relationships, we are prone to acting out our habitual negativities and unconscious traumas on the ones we love the most. Although this is not comfortable and very confronting, if we are brave, it is the biggest opportunity for growth and to break free from the shackles of our past. In a marriage, when the stakes are higher with children and the promise of a lifetime, sometimes we are forced to evolve out of our deepest negative patterns or lose everything we care about the most.
Consider you have chosen the PERFECT partner for you that knows just the right buttons to push to reveal to you what needs to be healed. Just remember that when relationship drama begins activating these triggers, this could very well be your higher-self calling you to face your shadow side and authentically heal the wounds that may be preventing you from living a fully empowered and light-filled life.
If you are feeling triggered into your deepest soul wounds by your partner, try to reframe your reference point. You have chosen the person who can trigger the wounds that you have buried so deep, this is your chance to focus on healing rather than get distracted with the details of who said/did what.
Breakdowns are our greatest opportunity for breakthroughs so don't get caught in your own story and miss the golden ticket to a bigger love and life.
Perhaps it is your resistance to your own healing that is causing you pain and resentment and it is just easier to deflect it onto your partner? Im not saying that your partner is totally innocent and not in need of a talking too, just that your reaction to them may be loaded with more than what is logically warranted. For example, if you had healed your old childhood wound of abandonment, then perhaps your perspective on your partner's lack of emotional presence or inability to be reliable would not cut you so deep to the point you feel incapacitated.
We cannot control how another person walks through life but we CAN control how we respond to it. And we have more control over our response the lighter our pain body (stuck past traumas) is. If we wish to create powerful relationships which lead to a powerful life, we have to take responsibility for our individual growth and be more committed to moving toward love than to protecting our ego.
Divine Union (harmonious relationship) is the place where we get to experience being closer to God/love/our higher-self, whatever you may call it, but this place of true happiness and freedom with another takes WORK.
Our individual healing may just be one of the hardest thing we have to face in a lifetime, but it is the only way to be an effective agent for positive change in our world.
So the big question.. how do we move through the pain of the trauma that has been created, into a space of seeing the bigger picture and the chance for an even greater relationship (with yourself and your partner) than before?
Here's a few ideas…
1. Take responsibility. Take responsibility for creating ALL that there is in your life, even the things that are easily misinterpreted as “bad”, “unfair”, or “traumatic”. Consider your higher-self knows what it is doing, and there is a blessing in all the chaos--a calling to grow and move into your better self. Taking responsibility for our own mental state shifts our mentally from “victim” to “empowered”, and opens our heart to real forgiveness and healing. This also stops the distraction of the blame game dead in its tracks. A necessary step when looking to authentically heal and move on.
2. Change your perspective. See emotional upsets as an exciting opportunity to get to the root of your own issues and release them, freeing yourself from the illusion that we are separate from love. What are you fighting for? Divine Union? Love and togetherness? Or judgment, hate and separation?. If we want world peace, then how can we have a blazing battleground in our closest relationships? Remember: "Peace worldwide starts from inside". We have to “Be the change” and as hard as that is, it really does start with us, in our own homes, hearts ad heads. If you have not taken a "Landmark Education" course I suggest reading about their empowering and freeing philosophy in their book.
3. Be a servant to love. Be love and embody love in all your thoughts and actions as a spiritual practice. Notice the "enemy" encroaching into your mind (anxiety, lust, fear, blame, guilt), recognize its mission of separation and hate and say to any negative thought loops, “You're not getting me on your team!!”. Direct your attention toward love and read our article onSpiritual Warfare or check out our podcast "Anxiety, a Hidden Gift" if you have not already!!!
4. Enroll your partner into the battle for love. Think of you and your partner as on the same "team for love". Your joint game plan should be to stay in the love vibration, and take on any triggers together as an opportunity to heal more and achieve more perfect states of divine union. We cannot win this war alone! We need to join forces and be clear that each partner has the same tools of conscious communication, forgiveness, and kindness in their toolbox. Request what you need from one another to support your quest for wholeness and complete healing.
When relationship drama arises, it is easy to play the blame game, but if you recognize that it is really an opportunity for each partner to heal deep patterns, a whole new world of possibilities arise.
If you want a more in depth conversation about this topic and a peak into our intense personal stories, listen to our podcast "Relationship Triggers, A Call To Heal"
We also LOVE the book "The Dance Of The Lion And The Unicorn" for a conscious approach to nailing the relationship game.
Have you ever used a fight in your relationship as a jumping board to healing? You are our guru!!! Let us know in the comments!
If you liked this topic you may LOVE our podcast "Life Breakdown= Spiritual break through" where Jenna and I touch upon triggers and the amazing opportunity to they present to heal.