Breakups: Pain with a Purpose

By Natalia Benson, Image by Marianna Senchina

Are you looking to get the most out of your most recent uncoupling? Here's how...

Breakups. Dare I say one of the most challenging experiences we go through as human beings. Challenging in the sense that our ego translates this experience as a death of some kind, our brain neurology also counts it as one of pain, as if weening ourselves off of a narcotic. It seems to be a battle between emotion and logic, the greatest human dilemma.

From a spiritual perspective (or mine at least), human relationships are one of the deepest spaces for evolution and growth. The release of a relationship allows for an opportunity to turn into the power and sustenance of our internal / eternal Being.

Ok, yes great, but you’re still heart broken- what to do? 

Spending much of my twenties dating or single, I’ve had my shares of goodbye’s and releases- ironically despite the duration of some of these relationships the feeling of unspeakable pain and abandonment was nearly unparalleled to that of a broken limb. Moving through these spaces many times (as well as the release of two very major loves) taught me some exquisite tools on what to do and perhaps also what not to do.
But also, what I will say is this: there are no “shoulds” or “should nots” in the authenticity of the heart's truth. 


The point here is to cultivate a relationship with your internal dialogue, but the challenge in heartache is this: What is my soul speaking and what is my ego? What moves me towards healing and peace and what one towards chaos and pain? Let’s explore some tools on how to handle ourselves in the turmoil of release and get into touch with our own authentic hearts voice during these times. 

• 1. You're probably going to feel like sh*t, and that’s ok! 

Pain is the understanding that we are alive and having the human experience of duality. The only way out is through. The emotions, much like a physical wound, need time and nurturance to heal. Treat your heart as if it’s physically wounded (it probably feels like it anyway!), give it time and care to heal. Feel what you feel and do not try to numb out the pain...which leads me to my next point...

• 2. Self Care is everything 

Taking the best care of yourself is crucial during heart break healing. Eating to nourish, staying away from alcohol or substances, beginning a new workout routine, meditation practice or exercise class. I also recommend trying new stuff that you didn’t do while in the relationship. So perhaps instead of taking the hiking trail where you shared your first kiss, go to an entirely new mountain!! Exposing yourself to new spaces, places and people is incredibly nourishing to your mind and spirit, although it may be the last thing you actually want to do. 

• 3. Consider unfollowing one another on Social Media 

I don’t know about you, but I am a very visual and a very emotional person. Having your ex-partner flow through your feed seeming to go on with their existence without you can really send a dagger through the heart that’s already attempting to heal. This is going to be different for everyone, but I have found the practice of 86‘ing one another on all social media to be extremely helpful for the healing process. This also hurts but it does assist you (and perhaps even more quickly) in returning to the solace of yourself, sans keeping tabs on their every move. If you want to conserve emotional energy, this is perhaps one of the most important points I like to execute in my own healing, neck in neck with self nourishment and time with people I love as I heal. 

• 4. Conscious Communication / Closure 

Leaving a relationship in the cleanest energy possible is always the hoped for end point. I’ve left some in grace and some in emotional catastrophe- the spectrum varies heavily from person to person, situation to situation. To call or text, or to not. To express how I feel or to not-- as I have said here, there’s no right or wrong with the heart’s authenticity. Really the questions should go something like this: Does my next action make me feel empowered or depleted? There is no perfect way to break up, it’s called a break-up after all.  

Self-awareness is key here. I’ve had some very wise friends tell me, it’s ok for a break up to be a process, but then at some point, it is best to release all communication until you are truly feeling healed and back in your center. Also be cautious of who you talk to about your break-up with. I would avoid overly judgmental or harsh people at this time. Share your emotions with a trusted, gentle friend, family member, yoga teacher or therapist. 

• 5. Do what you love

Simply put. What makes your soar? Lose yourself in activities that feel amazing to you. If you’re unsure what those things are, perhaps the release of your last relationship was to five you the gift of exploration. Trust the process.


I truly hope this article assists you or someone you love in finding empowerment and light through challenge. I would love to hear your feedback and the tactics that have assisted you through breakups in the comments below. 

Remember- whatever “leaves” our lives is never truly gone- the beauty of living with the awareness of the Universe and our souls is that somehow everything comes around in another form, everything seeks to guide us home to ourselves.  If we can see apparent loss as a movement to give us more energetic bandwidth for what is truly in alignment with us- we win. xx, Natalia 

For more on this sometimes painful yet opportunistic topic please join us on our podcast episode
​ "Healing Horrible Break Up's" where Jenna and I get personal about our own journey of heart break and break throughs.